


Wake

by forgetme



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Present Tense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-06 20:54:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/423090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetme/pseuds/forgetme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place after anime episode 80/corresponding manga chapter.</p><p>"Gai thinks that if he had a choice in the matter, he wouldn't love Kakashi as much as he does. Nothing good can ever come of it."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wake

After the ceremony Gai invites his students to eat dinner at his flat. He watches their solemn little faces as they eat in silence and feels his heart constrict with love and pride. They have grown so much already. Suffered so much already. He almost hates how good they've become at enduring pain.  

* * *

Later he accompanies them home, carrying Lee on his back and dropping him off at the hospital last. He stays with Lee until the boy − his boy − falls asleep, then sneaks out into the cold and empty streets of Konoha.

When the Kyuubi attacked the stench of smoke and sulfur had tainted the air for weeks. In comparison the recent catastrophe was much cleaner; the rain, which has been falling steadily for a while, adds a shine to wet pavements and windows, enhancing the impression. The wind carries the first whiff of fall.

Gai wanders the streets aimlessly. He is drenched already, his mourning attire grown even stiffer and heavier with soaked up water – oh, how he misses his waterproof suit − so there is no point in hurrying home. He isn't looking for anything – or at least he thinks he isn't – until he catches a glimpse of Kakashi's back, before he vanishes around a corner.

Instinctively, Gai follows. When he was younger he used to measure his skill by tailing Kakashi to see how long it took his rival to notice him. Most times Kakashi would just find a way to shake him, other times he'd somehow trick Gai, sneak up on him from behind and try to attack him with that nasty jutsu. (Despite how much he hated it, Gai couldn't help but feel a little proud when Kakashi – still mostly sober at that point – told him that he'd developed it specifically for him.)

Either way Gai has never managed to stay undetected. Until now.

He knows a challenge when he sees one, and he has never been able to turn away from this. The rain will make it that much harder to stay under Kakashi's finely tuned radar. Gai has to avoid even the tiniest puddles; any out of place splash might alert his rival.

So he sticks to the rooftops and keeps his eyes on Kakashi who – so far – is walking down the street to his apartment at a leisurely pace, head bowed and hands deep in his pockets. Ducked, Gai creeps and sneaks cautiously along the edge of one roof after the other, always careful to let his target gain some distance before making a leap between houses.

By now it isn't hard to guess where Kakashi is headed. Gai is somewhat surprised. He remembers seeing Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke arrive at the cemetery alone (Kakashi sidled up to him five minutes into the eulogy – Gai would have glared at him, had he not thought it in poor taste) , and, afterwards, he noticed the three kids leaving without their teacher, slowly drifting further and further apart with each step they took. He would have thought his rival was going to meet up with them. Apparently he was wrong; Kakashi is heading home. Alone.

Gai is a little disappointed that his exercise is already nearing its end as he watches the other jounin approach the front door of his apartment complex. Then again, he hasn't been spotted yet; this might be his first success. To really make this count, Gai decides, he has to get closer.

With one eye firmly trained on his unsuspecting rival, he leans forward over the edge of the roof to scan his surroundings for an appropriate hiding place and catches sight of some bushes in a garden in front of the building opposite Kakashi's apartment and next to the one Gai is currently crouching on. They're behind his rival, but down on the ground and less than three meters from his unprotected back; easily within killing distance for anyone who knows the first thing about throwing weapons.

Gai creeps over to the side. He'll drop down into the narrow alley between the two buildings, then sneak over to hide behind the bushes, hoping that Kakashi doesn't turn around at the wrong moment. The drop is the tricky part. To make sure that he lands on the surface of the rainwater that is coating the pavement at all times, he'll have to focus chakra into his feet. If he breaks the surface, Kakashi will definitely hear the splash and turn around.

Gai jumps, lands – perfectly – and dives into his hiding place. In front of him Kakashi stands fumbling with his keys, completely oblivious.

Kakashi unlocks the door and slips inside without so much as a glance over his shoulder. For a second Gai is stunned. Despite the circumstances, he can't help being proud of himself. He has bested his rival yet again! That no one is around to witness his triumph is of no concern to him. He knows and that is enough.

Gai smiles to himself, feeling, for a split second, inappropriately giddy. Then the door opens a crack; Kakashi sticks his head out, looks directly at him and calls, "Gai, are you just going to sit there, or what?"

There is something satisfying about the way the water splashes up around him, as he hits the ground.

The little drops in the air above him look pretty like bits of broken glass.

* * *

"Throwing yourself into a puddle like some petulant brat…" Kakashi rolls his eye and hands him a towel.

"Thanks." Gai really wants to ask when and why exactly his rival noticed him (maybe he could salvage some of his dignity that way), but he just can't think of a way to do it that doesn't make him sound stupid. "Ah…"

He fidgets.

Kakashi sighs in exasperation. "You smell like incense. And _curry_."

* * *

Kakashi doesn't have a living room (and somehow Gai thinks that says a lot about him); what he does have is a bottle of cheap sake.

They sit in the bedroom – Kakashi cross-legged on the bed, Gai on a chair liberated from the kitchen, and drink in silence for a while.

But the quiet eats at him. Gai has never been good at waiting; he is a man of action, always has been, always will be. Kakashi on the other hand, currently very calmly sipping sake through his mask, thrives on stillness and silence.

The alcohol burns on its way down Gai's throat; it loosens his tongue, even more than that, it allows his mind to pursue thoughts he usually represses.

"We should have been on that roof," he says, surprising himself with his accusatory tone. Kakashi, however, seems utterly unfazed.

"You would only have stood in the Third's way," he says drily.

Affronted, Gai sets his cup down, not trusting himself with something that fragile just now. "How can you even say that?" he all but shouts. He probably shouldn't be this upset about Kakashi questioning his skill anymore, but somehow he has never found a way to endure this particular man's teasing – and this time it is far more than just teasing.

Kakashi meets his eyes steadily, completely unperturbed. He seems to select his next words carefully. "I ran into him – Orochimaru – during the preliminaries when I was sealing Sasuke's curse mark. I couldn't have stopped him, no matter what. And neither could you." His voice is full of conviction; Gai is shocked by his certainty.

It couldn't have been an easy admission to make for Kakashi, but Gai's stomach does a little flip when he hears it. To his shame it's not worry – Kakashi is sitting right in front of him, unharmed, and Gai is not the kind of person to lose his composure over what-might-have-happeneds – it's something else entirely.

Had he caught Orochimaru, he would have defeated him. Gai is sure of that.

"I'm not _you_ , rival." he tells Kakashi. He can hear the arrogance in his own voice; he is so accustomed to challenging the great Copy Ninja that it's become a habit he cannot break even in the most inappropriate moments. To derision he won't admit.

It makes him think of something his sensei used to say. _One day your over-confidence will be your death._ But Gai wasn't the one who'd died.

"The eight gates, huh?" For a brittle moment Kakashi looks like he is about to laugh at Gai. "You'd be dead then. Gone out in a blaze of glory." He toasts Gai with his cup mockingly. "Is that what you want? Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get your chance soon enough." The last part is said in a pseudo-comforting manner laced with bitterness.

Gai wonders idly whether his rival is drunk already. It usually takes more than this. Maybe the foul taste of death is mingling with the alcohol tonight, giving it an edge. Kakashi's movements aren't the sloppy, uncoordinated fumblings of a drunk, though, and his eye is not unfocused; it's sharper and darker with something close to hatred.

Kakashi has never understood the eight gates technique, Gai thinks. Even after their argument at the preliminaries when Kakashi apologized, he didn't really mean it. Couldn't really mean it, because it's nothing but insanity to him. To Gai it's freedom.

Teaching Lee the forbidden technique meant giving him the most precious thing he had. The power to control your fate. When the time comes, it will be Gai himself who makes the final choice. His life cannot be taken from him until he decides to give it and he will die protecting what's most important to him.

Gai loves life, he loves being alive. He lives every day to the fullest and when his time comes he wants to die without regrets. He hopes that it won't come for a long while yet. But he has a list of things he will gladly sacrifice his life to protect: his village, his students, his friends… He is not one who would throw his life away thoughtlessly. He chose them all carefully and wisely. Except for one.

Gai thinks that if he had a choice in the matter, he wouldn't love Kakashi as much as he does. Nothing good can ever come of it.

"I'd do it for you," Gai hears himself say. The words just slip out. He must be drunker than he thought. His head bowed, staring into the cup of sake balanced on his thigh, he probably looks quite foolish. No tealeaves in the cup to tell him the future. No sound from Kakashi. Only the rain pounding the windowpane, pounding rapidly like Gai's heart in his otherwise empty-feeling chest.

Briefly he closes his eyes and sees—

_Kakashi standing in front of the cenotaph. Alone. It's freezing. He takes off one of his gloves, wipes away snow, presses his hand against the stone's frosty surface. Using his body-heat to thaw the ice until he can trace the names underneath with his numb fingers._

To this day he doesn't know whether Kakashi noticed his presence back then. If he did, he never said anything; Gai never asked.

He needs to open his eyes now and assess the amount of damage he has done.

Kakashi is staring at him wide-eyed, as if he is seeing him for the first time.

It shouldn't have come as a surprise to him, Gai thinks, Kakashi has always been the genius after all, and Gai can't remember ever pointing out anything that his rival hadn't already noticed. He was just stating the obvious again. It shouldn't make Kakashi look this afraid.

Gai sets his sake aside and gets up, steeling himself internally. He won't just sit here and let this moment pass, or keep drinking until tomorrow just to forget it ever happened. He is going to do something about this, because life is precious and wonderful and most importantly short.

And if Kakashi rejects him, at least he'll know, and that has to be better than spending the rest of his life wondering.

So Gai moves toward Kakashi, slowly, and when he reaches the bed he lowers himself on one bent knee as if he were proposing (which in some way he is) until he is more or less face to face with Kakashi – who still looks scared, but doesn't say or do anything to stop Gai, not even when he brings up his hands to cradle Kakashi's face.

Gai knows now that he really is the stronger and braver of the two and he touches his lips to the cold, wet fabric that hides Kakashi's face from the world.

* * *

In the end things don't go quite like they do in the movies or Jiraiya's questionable literature (not that Gai knows anything about the Icha Icha series, since he would never read that kind of book).

"You're dripping on me," Kakashi says in that world-weary, deadpan tone of his and Gai flings himself off him and onto his back in frustration. He really is still rather wet, but this is not the kind of thing he expected to hear in bed. Sadly, his rival has absolutely no understanding of romance or passion.

Then again, maybe this isn't romance for Kakashi. Gai swallows against a lump that has unexpectedly materialized in his throat.

Next to him the mattress dips as Kakashi shifts closer. With one finger he traces a tiny streamlet of water down Gai's side.

"I didn't say that I wanted you to stop."

Gai sighs and turns to face his eternal rival again.

* * *

Kakashi's body slides against him like the rain – distant, strangely cool to the touch, slipping through his fingers like a ghost.

He doesn't take his mask off. Its fabric is pleasantly smooth, but leaves a thin, sticky trail of sake down Gai's chest. A trace of Kakashi on his skin.

Afterwards Kakashi is lying next to him – on his back in a semi-drunken sprawl that takes up more than half of the bed. Gai watches the rise and fall of his chest. Rain is drumming against the window in an angry staccato, a much quicker rhythm than Kakashi's soft snores. Gai scoots over to him and, hesitantly, rests his head on Kakashi's chest. He finds that when he concentrates on the beating of Kakashi's heart, it drowns out all other sounds.

He won't sleep tonight.

 


End file.
